The Power of Female Friendships

The saying goes, ‘men are from mars and women are from venus’. In other words, we work in opposite ways. The female mind is something that even women themselves have trouble figuring out. We’re complex creatures, with a host of emotions and thoughts to wade through, and we find each other to be difficult at the best of times.

But we’re also fucking awesome.

Can YOU bake another human in your body and push it out a tiny hole?

Well I can, and that’s fucking incredible.

Forgive the unimaginative language, but there really is no better way to express myself when it comes to how wondrous women are.

Growing Up 

I have always been what you would call a ‘girls girl’. I have had a strong group of female friends from a young age, and come from a head strong, female dominant lineage. We are an army of oestrogen and emotions, there’s a shoulder to cry on and a bottle of wine in the fridge at all times.

I have always been drawn to strong women. I admire them, I praise them, I want to be them. But I also hate them.

God I hate them sometimes.

There are a select few who really let the side down, you know? The ones who tell people proudly they’re not a feminist, the ones who throw each other under the bus, belittling and judging other women for their choices and how they look…

‘Yeah she’s fit but she’s SO fake’

‘She’s so up herself, I can’t stand how she walks around like she owns the place’

These are sentences I myself have said about other women. They came from a place of jealousy, and my own low self esteem. I gave in to the notion that if another woman is confident, she’s up herself. That if she chooses to change or enhance her body, she’s fake.

It’s a toxic mind set that is taught to us. We read our mums trashy magazines and see pictures of celebs on holiday caught in the act of being in a bikini, with a red ring highlighting their cellulite. The words ‘let herself go’ scribbled in the sentence describing them, and from there we’re taught how to talk about other women’s, and our own bodies.

Girl world is something we all need to work on. There’s a lot of repairs overdue, with the way we talk about each other being the highest priority. We judge each other, we don’t trust each other, and we seek out each others flaws to make us feel better about our own.

Be honest, how many times have you thought ‘At least I don’t look like that’ on a night out when you’ve seen how someone else is dressed? If it’s none, then you are an angelic soul and this part of the post is not for you. That or you’re lying.

Learning Curves

I believe that a lot of how we think and talk about each other as women stems from some of our early female friendships. As young girls, we grow up having sleepovers, sharing secrets and dreams. We’re honest and open with each other, and probably at our most vulnerable when we’re with our best friends. In those friendships, we learn how to talk about each other and ourselves – positive or not.

Then, we move to a new school. We find new girl-friends. And, we probably grow apart for a while. But those experiences we share never leave us, and we always think back to those little girls we were.

I feel that female friendships reach a real turning point when you get to the start of adolescence, and you become a puppet to your hormones. The petty fights, the nasty words and the cheap shots are all thrown around and erupt like fireworks, seemingly out of nowhere. You really find out who is and isn’t there for you, and who you can trust.

I know when I turned 14, my friends started to influence my personal preferences and choices. I became more self conscious, more aware of my body and all its different changing shapes. Looking back now, my friends at the time definitely indirectly hindered my self confidence, making me uncomfortable and uneasy in my own skin; but they also helped me take the first steps to accepting myself. Those late night chats about how you feel about yourself, and being assured by your best friend that you’re not alone, are some of the most pinnacle conversations you’ll have.

Female friendships are a minefield. They change throughout your life, and right now I’m experiencing how different they become during the shift from your adolescence into young adulthood. It’s really overwhelming, it can tug at your heart strings if things start to break down unexpectedly. But, at the same time, right now I feel like my friendships are the strongest they’ve ever been. We’ve learnt so much from all the ups and downs, the fall outs and the huge life changes we’ve held each others hands through.

Women are a mystery. We give each other a lot of grief at times, but we also build each other up when we need to. And I’m so glad I have so many amazing women in my life to inspire, support and stand by me whilst I figure out how to be the best woman I can be.

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  1. October 25, 2019 / 9:53 pm

    Loved this Ria, all so true! Us gals should stick together! I find it so lovely when I see gals on my blog and instagram building each other up, its fab.
    Great post lovely. Hannah ( xxx

    • riawolstenholme
      November 3, 2019 / 3:24 pm

      Thanks so much Hannah! x

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