“Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time”
One of the traits I dislike most about myself is how much of a jealous person I am. I am constantly comparing myself to others, looking at what they have and being jealous of it.
It’s horrible having to admit to that, but it’s so true. Maybe it’s just me, but the pressure I feel to have it all figured out, whilst being carefree and living my life to the full in my early twenties is immense.
It was all about leaving uni, then getting a job, now it’s when am I travelling? Are you saving for a mortgage? Will you stay in Jersey? Have you managed to save a lot of money now you’re working full time?
Firstly, kindly shut up. A word to the wise that if you’re talking to someone in their early twenties about money and responsibility one minute, then carefree travels and not worrying the next, you’re setting yourself up to become their enemy.
We’re easily agitated and confused about what we want on a good day, let alone when someone 20 years our senior is telling us we should stop worrying about the future but also asking us how long we’ll be waiting to get on the property ladder.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
The world of social media and oversharing has made it so all the highlights of our lives are broadcast to make everyone think it’s our reality. I find myself scrolling through my feed and trying to find flaw in something perfect so I can either relate more or feel better about myself.
How sad is that? Seeking out something bad in another person or their lives just so I feel better about myself.
It took a lot of time for me to stop being so hard on myself. It took me feeling so low about myself and my abilities to finally realise nobody but me was making me feel that way.
These people I was comparing myself to where not bothered by what I was doing, because they were too focused on themselves, like I should have been.
“Don’t like it? Then change it.”
A lack of confidence in your own ambition can cause you to look at others and their achievements as ‘unfair’. Not having the ability to celebrate others and their success makes you a negative presence, and will not stand you in good stead for the future. In fact, when you think about it, what do we really gain from shunning others’ success?
A part of growing up and moving on with your own life, whatever that may entail, is learning to take everything as it comes, and with a pinch of salt.
Having high expectations and ambitions for yourself is great, but taking a step back and not worrying about what everyone else is doing is the best way to reach them. Your friend bought a house? Great for them. Your uni mates have gone travelling whilst you’re working full time? You’ll have your chance to go there too, when you’re ready.
The fact of the matter is that you will never get anywhere by sitting there green eyed and seething that someone else is doing better than you. The classic phrase ‘you’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar’ rings true in this case.
If you want to make a change and get somewhere, you need to put the work in. But it’s not about nosing around to see how other people are doing, and feeling smug you’re ahead of one person and disappointed you’re behind another; it’s about setting a goal, staying focused, and minding your own business.
In other words, stay in your lane and get on with your shit. Don’t concern yourselves with the lives of others or their trajectory, you have your own path to lead yourself down, and you won’t get any further than them by being bitter.